I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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