U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
