margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize