if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize