Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
