Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
