Nicole vs. Life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
