he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone signed my nipple.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
