im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
