is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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