there's paper in my vomit.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
