I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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