I heard we made out
You can't special order awesome
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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