I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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