so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
