Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
