I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
