Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
