the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
