so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
