hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
