Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
