So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
