We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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