Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
