Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
