Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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