Having a random hookup so left but love u
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
