so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
