I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just blew my weed a kiss
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
