guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
