If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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