i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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