He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
