Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
