Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
