I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
