is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
