my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
