my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
