All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
