you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
