I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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