I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
