I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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