you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
