im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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