I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
