I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
