grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
