i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we're making bets on your personal life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
