Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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