So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
