I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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