I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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