I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
