I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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