At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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