Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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