The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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