New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
