Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize