tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
