I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
