Can i not drive my cunt home
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
