just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
