his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
