Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
