It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
