just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
