Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
