Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
