drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
