can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
