i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
