he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
