You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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