dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
