You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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