I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
