Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
