highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My vagina just clenched in fear
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
