Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
