You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
