yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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